The Power of Love Loops

How small, intentional acts of SHUVA build trust over time

Sometimes I think the most meaningful adventures aren’t just about what we do, but about how we show up for each other along the way.

This week, I’ve been reflecting on the concept of the “love loop” that simple, meaningful act of circling back, checking in, and reconnecting. Whether you’re out on a trail or navigating the everyday terrain of life, it matters.

I first heard about love loops from a psychology professor at Western State College in Gunnison. And the more I think about it, the more I see how this practice shows up in all kinds of relationships, from the personal to the professional.

A big part of what brought my partner and me together is our shared love of adventure. We’re both enthusiastically down to have fun, explore, and try new things. Scotty has introduced me to so many adventure sports over the years. And as often happens with parents of little humans, it’s been more challenging to carve out time for shared play.

Recently, with a bit more access to childcare after our year-long escapade on the road, we decided to reclaim some of that shared adventure with a post-couples-counseling date: dirt biking in the mountains.

I love dirt biking. It’s newer for me to ride my own bike. One of our first dates was riding doubles at Hartman Rocks. Never had I ever imagined I’d be a dirt bike rider, but here we are and I love it.

Sure, it can feel a little scary and border on Type 3 fun at times. But most of the time? Prime Type 2 fun.

While I’m much more comfortable on my mountain bike, there’s something about dirt biking that brings me so much joy, a sense of extended flow state, and a special connection between Scotty and me.

Messages from the trail: stay present, and keep circling back to love.

On the trail, the love loop is obvious. Scotty’s been riding since he was little, so there’s a big gap in our skill levels. He’ll charge ahead. Then he loops back almost as quickly as he took off, checking in to see how I’m doing and what my experience of the trail is.

It’s not about slowing down out of obligation. It’s about making sure we’re in this together, even if we’re having our own experiences.

Each time he loops back, it’s a small deposit in our relationship trust bank, reinforcing that sense of partnership and adventure we both value.

But here’s the thing. Love loops aren’t just for romantic relationships.

At work, a supervisor who love loops is the one who checks in with their team, offers support, and makes sure no one’s left behind. It’s not micromanaging. It’s building trust and connection in the everyday “sliding door” moments.

Among colleagues, love loops might look like a quick message to see how someone’s doing, offering help, or celebrating a win together. These small acts create a culture of belonging and psychological safety.

In friendships, love loops are the “thinking of you” texts, the invitations to meetup, or the willingness to circle back after a difficult interaction.

With family, it’s the sibling who calls just to say hi. Or the parent who messages you before and after your big presentation.

With our son, love looping happens naturally as he gains more confidence exploring his world. We circle back to connect as he ventures out, takes age-appropriate risks, and experiments with his body’s capabilities and the environment. That back-and-forth between us helps build both self-trust and relational trust.

What ties all of this together for me is Patty Beach’s SHUVA principle: See, Hear, Understand, Value, Appreciate.

When we love loop, we’re practicing SHUVA. We’re making sure the other person feels seen and heard. We make efforts to understand their current perspective, demonstrate we value their experience, and shared appreciation for their efforts.

Whether it’s on a dirt bike trail, in a meeting, or around the dinner table, these small, intentional acts of connection are what build trust over time.

Early in our marriage, Scotty and I started referring to our relationship as an Adventure Spiritual Partnership (ASP). The phrase was inspired by Gary Zukav’s idea of a spiritual partnership, a conscious commitment to each other’s growth, learning, and joy.

For us, that means integrating play, exploration, and a willingness to try new things with the deeper work of connection and trust.

Love loops are woven into the fabric of that partnership, not as grand or dramatic moments, but as steady, incremental acts of trust and care.

One loop.
One sliding door moment.
One act of SHUVA at a time.

And that to me, is the amazing, if sometimes challenging adventure of living relationally.